The Official Preppy Handbook: Lesson 6

Time for "A Preppy Value System":

1. CONSISTENCY - "also known as sameness. Generation after generation will dress, dine, walk, talk, decorate, vacation, work, get educated, get married, and name babies all in the same way...insures that future generations will know which fork to use."

2. NONCHALANCE - "Pride in social position, loathe to flaunt it. Understatement is key. Mummy may have inherited a king's ransom in sables, but she prefers to wear her four-year-old ski parka."

3. CHARM- "This is mistaken by non-Preppies as politeness, saying "ma'am" and "sir"....it's the Preppy's suit of armor, the facade of unflappable gentility."

4. DRINKING- "A Preppy's ambition is directed towards imbibition. Failure to master the skill of consuming large amounts of alcohol will result in a lifetime of denied invitations. The cocktail's ubiquitous presence proves that pleasure is life's major concern - it also provides something to do with the hands while standing and talking."

5. EFFORTLESSNESS- "If life is a country club, then all functions should be free from strain...always appear capable and comfortable, everything they do or wear must look as it if were done without a second thought."

6. ATHLETICISM- "Vacations and leisure activities usually revolve around locations for sports: ski slopes, golf courses, beaches. So it's necessary to at least pretend a predilection for outdoor living even if the only exercise performed is running down to get more tonic water."

7. DISCIPLINE- "Daddy often proclaims he got where he is through hard work, sacrifice, and denial of immediate pleasure for future good...Preppies believe that Latin in Prep school builds a sound English vocabulary and that a coat and tie build character."

8. PUBLIC SPIRITEDNESS- "Once connected to a proper organization, there's nothing a Preppy, especially a woman, wouldn't do...anything, as long as it doesn't conflict with [insert afternoon show here.] The same dictum that teaches modesty about financial status also insists on generosity, if only out of guilt for a lifetime of debutante seasons."